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November 2011

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tired.. really, really tired.

I have been avoiding facing my journal lately.  I seem to open it up and just start blabbering on and on about things and then resolve to make it better in one way or another, but then reality kicks in and I am a mess at it all.  I do not like being Ambassador.  I think I would have if people would have let me do the job, but honestly, it seems like everyone has been so busy doing it for me I never got the chance.   Leucius said that it would not be easy and that people would want me to fail, it is not that I did not believe him, but there is a vast difference to me between wanting some one to fail and actively trying to cause them to. I have said very little as Ambassador really, but I have heard that I have said so much... 

I have put off writing my report for the month and I need to get that done, I am going to say that I will finish up my term in service to the tower, but that I would not like to be considered to continue at the post.   I miss having fun with my sister, and being able to say what I think with out people trying to turn it around on me. 

If everything I say truly reflect Her Grace and the Tower, then she needs to back off my husband and she is totally right about my sister...

The fest is nice, I just kind of stopped talking to people and stayed close to Allye, it makes it way more fun and no one seems to notice.  I like it better that way.   I want to go thru more and see everything and play more games I think.   That is going to be my focus.  I will finish my duty to the tower, but I am also going to try to get back to being more like me.  I don't like this person that says rude things to people and gets angry.  I miss my sister and my husband and my friends.  I will always be loyal to the tower and fight for Her Grace.  I truly feel like Shard and Ilithi are my home, but, I am not willing to sacrifice who I am to the people that seem to not mind making me who they want me to be, regardless of the truth. 

Okay, fine... I feel better.  Sorry for ignoring you journal <3

On a happier note!  We got the flat decorated and Terrakeet is beautiful. He needs a cage but we are going to have one made for him.  Allye is genius.  I am so lucky.